Really Wanting to be in a Broadway Musical via Pan-Fried Trout, Polenta Chips, Pickled Onion and Fennel Marmalade


Over the past few years I have gained notoriety amongst my friends as somewhat of a slow cook. Despite attempting to instil a sense of urgency in myself by imagining I was on Masterchef, being shouted at by John Torode, my housemates would still be overcome with irritability and growling stomachs as I methodically trickled over the last bit of jus over the chicken at quarter past the hour of ten, approximately two hours after I had begun cooking.

My preparation of food has since sped up (marginally), but I still watch Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals and yearn to be as quick on my culinary feet. However, I feel that sometimes a lack of speed in cooking should be embraced for one’s own enjoyment, especially if there happens to be a splendid soundtrack to accompany it.

It was a Friday eve that I returned home from a day of mind numbing admin work, filled with aspirations of wanting to be in my own broadway musical. With a lack of Arts Council funding or any experience in musical theatre, I had to find another way to realise my dream – and I decided that this realization would take place via trout fillets, polenta, fennel and an onion.

I put on the Wicked [Original Broadway Cast Recording] Soundtrack and took up my spatula with jazz hands, standing in the kitchen to the opening chords of No One Mourns the Wicked… I then put the spatula back down as I didn’t quite need it yet. Needless to say, the mind numbing memories of invoice filing were fading away, replaced by the excitement of this culinary musical adventure. So forget Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals, this is Meals That Take the Entire Length (or Thereabouts) of the Wicked [Original Broadway Cast Recording] Soundtrack.






This meal definitely didn’t have to take this long to cook, but bear in mind that a lot of time was spent clicking my fingers and playing air piano (is that a thing?). Anyway, those pickled onions did possess a lovely hue indeed, perhaps they could provide the backdrop to someone dressed as a trout fillet, singing about lime zest while a polenta chip ensemble harmonises.


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